Those goddamn CNN headline writers!

Last week, they one-upped their previous Best Headline Ever with the kickass, “U.N. Smackdown on N. Korea.” Yes, that’s right, smackdown.

Then, they out do all previous contenders for the Zanny Headline award with this gem:

Dog Saves Owner from Fire, Dies Trying to Rescue Cat

Just let that sink in…

Baaaaaa-hahahahahahahahahahaah. Are you kidding me? Seriously, are you kidding me with that?! Oh my God… That headline taps into so many levels of awesomeness that I can hardly fathom its greatness. I’ve become fully convinced that CNN has two stoned college boys coming up with headlines for their website, constantly trying to one-up each other.

That headline looks like it was ripped from an episode of the Simpsons (not a main newspaper story, but think of one of the shots where they cut to a newspaper headline, and if you pause your Tivo or DVD and read the smaller headlines around the main plot-point headline, they’re freakin’ hilarious), or at least from The Onion.

Delving into CNN’s story of this heroic pooch is even funnier:

After a disabled woman’s cat started a house fire, her specially trained dog came to the rescue, then died trying unsuccessfully to rescue the cat.

Oh, that’s right! The damn cat started the fire!

Jamie Hanson said her 13-year-old dog Jesse brought her artificial leg and a phone she used to call 911.

That is just incredible.

“She got me outside and then she heard the cat upstairs and she went up there to get the cat, and she wouldn’t come back to me,” Hanson, 49, said at a news conference Monday at Aurora Sheboygan Memorial Medical Center, where she was being treated for her injuries.

The dog heard that cat upstairs and went to get it?! This happens in real life?! Jesus Christ, half the time I’m too lazy to get up and grab a drink from the fridge, and this dog rescues his owner from a fire, gets outside to safety, and then the damn cat that started the fire is whining upstairs?! Hahahahhaha. Can’t you just see the dog rolling his eyes before trudging back into his certain death?

Here’s to you, Sparky…